A Snapshot of Progress

My story just four years ago was bleak.  I made this video specifically for my mother and brother to to communicate with them from afar in a meaningful way.  Videos, images and music are capable of reaching people in ways simple words cannot at times.  I wanted my brother to stop allowing his (then four year old) son to spend time with my father and I wanted my mother to stop asking me to agree to be in spaces where I may encounter my father and further pain and dysfunction.  Overall, both of these things were actualized in time (along with further growth I had not even specifically requested back then).  It may have taken years but meaningful changes were realized.  I also left the video I made on Youtube for other survivors as well as for folks who are trying to gain a better understanding sexual violence and how to support the survivors in their lives.

I do not plan to quit my day jobs anytime soon, but all in all, I am proud of myself for breaking the silence-- if even in a brief shoddy video intended for a very specific audience.  Breaking the silence has never been easy but it can be very effective.  So please remember that while change is uncomfortable and even painful and while its pace can seem to be insufferably slow, it is possible.  This year's Thanksgiving may have been far from perfect, but life with my family is much healthier than I had ever imagined it could be at one time (and knowledge and communication are still on the rise, so stay tuned).

Four years ago, not long after posting this video, I ended up spending Thanksgiving away from my mom and brother, who were still processing my message.  It hurt more than words can express.  But if I never spoke up, change would not have been likely.  So don't give up.  Progress takes time.  And if you do not want to wait for your family to come around (as they may not), that is okay too.  At one point, I wrote them all off, assuming they were not going to come around and I spent several months without them (and I may have been away longer if they never changed-- I will never know now).  But either way, I do not regret speaking up, speaking out, setting and maintaining boundaries and reasonably asking for more from them.  I had also hoped to find a similar story back then, so my hope for you is that this helps.